According to my own unverifiable statistics, less than one percent of the
world population has the luxury of traveling in an airplane sometime in
their lives. Travel by air is a wonderful and very rewarding experience.
This is because the airline staff treats passengers like a king, and you can
treat them like your subjects. A jumbo jet plane can easily have about three
hundred kings and twenty-five subjects. It is absolutely necessary for most
of us to be able to get the maximum benefit out of this wonderful
experience. The easiest way to get the maximum benefit is to get yourself
fully serviced by the ever joyful, ever helpful airline staff, cabin crew,
flight attendants, etc. Unlike any other travel industry, airline staffs are
the only gentle animal species you can harass to the extreme and get away
with it. That is because they have been trained to withstand extreme
harassment by passengers. Besides, they dare not frown or feel annoyed at
your absurd requests. It is the law of the flying land.
we now present some useful tips on how to effectively harass airline staff.
Please do not divulge this information to any airline staff.
If the airline rules require you to be present in the airport at least
two hours before a takeoff for various necessary formalities, ensure
that you reach there only fifteen minutes before takeoff and start a
tantrum. Let them keep announcing your name on the public address system
to their heartís content. You have more important things to do than
waste time in the airport.
Always carry more than twice the permissible luggage limits and start an
argument near the check in counter. Never read the rules printed on the
air tickets. They are just fillers.
Constantly grumble about how the service is better in the competitorís
airline. But, you always fly this airline because you are a very
accommodating chap. Continue the grumbling till you reach your
When the pilot instructs everyone to switch off their mobiles and
electronic devices during takeoff for safety reasons, start calling your
fiancťe to tell her bye and continue to discussion till the air hostess
comes and requests again.
If a flight is going to be delayed for some reason, catch the nearest
airline staff and spill your guts out. Threaten to sue the airline to
bankruptcy and insist on a chartered plane to ensure you reach your
ďPatience PaysĒ seminar on time.
If you are toilet or barf prone, always choose a window seat.
Ask the cabin crew whether it is okay to smoke in spite of a big board
in the front stating ďNO SMOKINGĒ.
Always book connecting flights such that they are just half an hour
separated from each other. This way you can enjoy the thrill of trying
to catch the next flight in a busy airport, while your luggage is still
being unloaded at the first.
When they issue a feedback form regarding their service, donít fill
anything. They know where they are failing, donít they.
If the cabin crew is serving tea, ask for coffee. In case they are
serving coffee, ask for tea. In case they are serving both, ask for
lemon soda with a dash of exotic Mexican pepper. They have a supermarket
If you are allergic to a certain type of lemon scented air freshener and
the airline happens to use the exact brand in their toilets, then you
are already a millionaire. Sue the airline for causing mental distress,
lack of sensitivity to customer needs, and sheer ignorance of passenger
When the pilot instructs everyone to fasten his or her seat belts donít
bother. Continue reading the in flight magazine. Let the stewardess come
and request again. They did mention personalized service in their
brochures, didnít they?
Get up every ten minutes to pick up something from your bag in the
Wish you a Safe and Happy Flight
Article Author -
Web Cave -
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