MAD CLASSIFIEDS

DATING

SMS

TOILETRIES

SALE

Boys and Girls: Unable to impress your dates? Call XCTI for dating aids like flowers without bees, readymade poems, instant excuses, hiring flashy cars & motorbikes, etc. You can also pledge your books, watches and marks cards for additional pocket money.

 

Attention SMS users. Still reading paper novels? Get advanced. Subscribe to CDRT and receive all novels on your mobile phone. We can currently relay entire novels of Harry Potter, Stephen King, Jeffrey Archer, etc right into your mobile phones

Why buy toothpaste, soap, shampoo, shaving cream, etc separately. Buy our all in one multi purpose JELLO at only Rs 10/- per gallon. Can be used as shampoo, toothpaste, mouthwash, shaving cream, soap and dish washing liquid.

Why buy brand new TVs, Refrigerators, Microwaves, Mobiles and other goods from shops. Same goods available for half price at Stealers Paradise.  Items removed from same shops during the night.

LOST

BOY MISSING

BUSINESS

COUNSELING

Adorable rabid dog. Brown color with white stripes. Missing from three days. Does not like strangers. Has bitten seventeen people so far. Owner worried about dogís health and loneliness. Finders, pls bring dog home safely. Call XXCRT

 

Roger, please come back. Parents worried. We will never hit you with an iron rod or burn your fingers again if you get a second rank. On the way back, please eat something before coming home. We will be on vacation.

Security available for Top executives & Employees.  Advance booking required. Call XTRN within three hours of your failed Mergers. Takeovers, Scams, etc. We will protect you from angry shareholders

Attention: All businessmen. Send your troublesome customers to us. We have excellent counseling experience in handling difficult people.  All ex-servicemen trained in various martial arts, riot control, tortures, etc. Call 456

HOUSEWIVES

RESIDENTIAL

GUNS

ASTROLOGY

Housewives, is your mother-in-law harassing you? Learn black magic, witchcraft and other occult sciences to protect you. Cheaper than moving to a separate house. Postal coaching available. Call UTRE

 

House for rent: Excellent three-bedroom furnished house available for rent immediately. Was a hideout for some wanted criminals. But nothing to worry. All of them were shot dead by the police during their sleep. Bloodstains have been removed. Families only. No pets.  Call KKIT

GUNS for Sale: Shoot your pesky neighbors who try to borrow your household goods or watch your TV. Does not kill but causes grievous injuries only. Does not require license.  Call 94271-XDRT

 

Consult Astrology, Numerology and Vaastu before you embark on business trips to meet unknown people who may have ill-fated stars that may ruin your business. Accurate predictions on business outcomes. Call 97645-CTYU

MAIDS

HOUSE WANTED

BUSINESS

BUSINESS

Housewives, Unable to extract more work from your maidservants? Show them you are the boss. Choose from our assorted range of whips, electric prods, ball & chains, cages, trained Alsatian dogs and many more. Guaranteed results. Visit TRSE

Wanted: Residential houses and rooms in remote locations for use as a hideout by wanted criminals. Good rent. Limited stay. Owner must provide food only. Call 98650-UYTI

Business dull?  Low quality products? Donít waste money by hiring consultants, downsizing, cost-cutting, etc. Call 98776-FTYUO. We can increase your business by spreading false good rumors in the market. Guaranteed to sky rocket your share prices, company image, etc.

Donít know how or where to store your old paper documents, business plans, presentations, etc? Call 9765-ghtu. We can identify unused coalmines and nuclear dumps for storage or disposal. Call YTWQ

CRIME

OFFICE

VEHICLE

CHILDREN

Ladies, afraid those poor unemployed desperate thieves will snatch your expensive jewelry and chains? Teach those under privileged a lesson. Protect yourself by buying pepper spray, poison gas pellets, grenades and other protection devices. Call YTRE

Companies & Corporates: Stop wasting time and money. Outsource all your Meetings, Processes, Risks, Profit predictions, and Time sheet entries. We have professionally qualified staff to handle those at very economical costs. Call 98550-CRCR

Wanted: Disposable car or van for robbing a bank and transporting some goods across the border bypassing the highway. Call 98776-UYTF

Parents, worried about your dull children who do not do well in studies?  Exchange them for bright, intelligent and smart children. Call UTRC


Article Author - Thejendra B.S

Web Cave - www.thejendra.com

Note: You may freely publish any of my articles intact on your website or newsletter as long as you include the signature box above.